Serious Stuff

Since my blog is more like my Journal to me, I have the right to talk about personal things, right? If someone doesn't like that it's personal they can just stop reading, right? I intend to make a book out of my blog one day so I want to have important meaningful things in it as well as fun things and pictures. So here is your heads up if you don't want to hear me talk about serious and churchy things - stop reading now if you are not interested...

So as the conference talks have come out I have made it a goal to read one each morning to review what I missed while listening to conference. On Friday of last week I read the first talk by Elder Packer titled "And A Little Child Shall Lead Them." For some reason I didn't really remember what was in this talk, probably because it was the Saturday morning session and I was half asleep. Anyway, as I was reading through this talk - while at work, mind you - I started to tear up a little bit. I didn't cry so hard that it was noticeable, but this talk really reached me.

Some of you may or may not know, Jake and I really want to have a baby right now. I have kept it hush hush because I wanted to just suprise everyone that we were pregnant and have everyone be super excited with us. However, this is not the case, getting pregnant is tough stuff. I came off birth control in August and we have been "trying" since November and no such luck. I had heard of all of our friends getting pregnant first try or right away and I was getting pretty down on myself. I decided to check with the doctor just to see what's up.

I was informed that it runs in my family to have a really hard time getting pregnant. I should have known. My sister has been trying for a year and a half and has been put on several different hormones and shots and all that jazz (it adds up really fast too, pretty expensive) and has had a really rough time with it. As I watched her struggle with it I realized just how hard it was on her and her husband. There were many a nights when we would just sit together and cry. I guess I just thought I was immune to it and wouldn't have a problem when we decided we wanted a baby. Now I see myself going through the begining process of the process by getting blood work done to see where to go from here and I get discouraged really easily.

Right after my appointment with my doctor, I read this talk by Elder Packer. At first I thought I was just crying because I wanted a baby so bad and knew that it wouldn't happen for such a long time. Then I realized, this talk could help both me and my sister in many ways. All of the talk really touched me and made me realize that things will work out and I will be happy no matter what, but the following section of the talk was one of my favorites throughout the whole conference.

"... young couple tearfully told me they had just come from a doctor where they were told they would be unable to have children of their own. They were brokenhearted with the news. They were surprised when I told them that they were actually quite fortunate. They wondered why I would say such a thing. I told them their state was infinitely better than that of other couples who were capable of being parents but who rejected and selfishly avoided that responsibility."

"I told them, “At least you want children, and that desire will weigh heavily in your favor in your earthly lives and beyond because it will provide spiritual and emotional stability. Ultimately, you will be much better off because you wanted children and could not have them, as compared to those who could but would not have children.”

"Still others remain unmarried and therefore childless. Some, due to circumstances beyond their control, are raising children as single mothers or single fathers. These are temporary states. In the eternal scheme of things—not always in mortality—righteous yearning and longing will be fulfilled."

Jake, of course, is so patient and understanding. Everytime I break down and feel desperate, he lets me know that things will always work out. He never loses faith or hope and I seem to struggle with it daily. I have been so blessed to have him in my life. One day we will have a baby and it will be beautiful, I just need to be like Jake and have more faith that the Lord knows what he is doing. The Lord hasn't messed up yet, why would he mess up on us.

If you made it all the way to the end of this one, congrats! Thanks for reading, I apologize if it bored you.

(I'm crying again at work, this is ridiculous, no more spiritual blogging at work, only at home!)