Our Babies - Where to Start...

I am posting this for Jake, me and the babies so we remember how special this is to all of us - just a heads up, it's a long post!

We have wanted kids for a really long time. I have been done with school for quite a while, Jake has always been ready for babies, and we wanted to have kids before we went out to medical school so we could have help from family and friends. We had been trying for over a year when we decided to take a break - it was destroying me. I couldn't handle the devastating news every time we got a negative test back. My emotions were out of control with the medications I was on and it was taking a toll on my relationships with pretty much everyone around me. We decided to stop the pills and shots and stress.

During our "break" my sister Katie gave birth to the sweetest baby boy - Jensen David Morrey. We visited her at the hospital and it was the most bitter sweet moment I've ever experienced. Katie and Dave tried so hard for kids and this baby was their miracle. I cried my eyes out for days. I cried because I was so happy for them. I cried because I loved him so much. I cried because I was so proud of Katie. I cried because I wanted that moment so bad. Jake and I left the hospital that night knowing that our "break" was definitely over.

I called Katie and asked for the number of the facility they went through the very next day. We decided that at the first of the year we would jump back up and try again. We would not stop until there was nothing else we could do. Once we made that decision everything seemed like it was going to be just fine.

We met with our new doctor who promised us great results. I was lined up for blood work, pills, exams, suppositories, shots, procedures and endless doctors appointments. Jake even got to experience some of the fun this round - but that's a story for another post. Test results were coming back more promising then ever before and I couldn't help but get my hopes up.

We continued the treatment and then came the dreaded pregnancy test... The doctors told us to not take the normal ones at home, but to come into the clinic instead and have blood work done to ensure it was the correct result. I couldn't help myself; I took a test on my own - it came back positive. The first test I had ever seen with those two beautiful lines. I told myself it was just the hormones and it was stupid to get my hopes up like that. I decided to ignore the test and just wait for the results from the blood work the following day. I went and had my blood drawn and was told it would be evening until we would know the results. I went to work and was called a few hours later with the news that it was true - I was really pregnant! I verified several times that the nurse was sure it was my results she was looking at - she promised it was true.

I couldn't just call Jake and tell him over the phone, I had to tell him in person. The rest of the day was painfully slow... I continued lying to Jake saying I just hadn't heard from them yet. I made him miss his class so that he could be home when I got back from work because I was sure we'd find out by then... The second I walked through the door I barely got the words "We're having a baby" out of my mouth before we both burst into tears. We had been waiting for these words for so long and it all seemed too good to be true.

We had a follow up ultrasound scheduled for a few weeks down the road to make sure everything was going well. Our doctor was walking us through everything when she gasps a little and says, "It looks like there's another baby in here." Jake starts laughing and I stop breathing. The thought of twins hadn't even crossed my mind, there was no possible way. My emotions since that day have switched back and forth between extreme fear and extreme happiness - I just can't believe this is happening.

The first several weeks of pregnancy were rough. It included all day nausea and vomiting along with other symptoms that I will spare you the details of hearing. My anxiety has been through the roof as I worry about every little thing that could happen. Since entering the second trimester most of those symptoms have gone and new ones have come such as back pains, heartburn and general largeness... It's a crazy experience that I wouldn't ever consider trading. Jake has been such a sweetheart through this whole process, always comforting me when it gets hard.

Jake and I haven't stopped talking about, planning for, or thinking about these babies. We feel so extremely blessed to have this life changing opportunity. There have been so many days that I think about how lucky we are and I can't hold back the tears any longer. I know my emotions are crazy but I honestly haven't been this happy in a long time. It has not been an easy process but I would do it all over again to get this amazing result.

I am almost 17 weeks along  and the babies are fraternal twins. We will find out the gender in the middle of June. I have just started to feel them move within the past few days and it's an experience I can't describe. We just can't wait to meet these sweet little miracles - we couldn't be happier to be future parents and there's no one I'd rather have by my side than Jake.